Liveblog Review ™ -
Survivor – Heroes vs. Villains, Part Seven
8:42pm: I am an idiot an missed last week's liveblogging opportunity in order to do this weird thing some people call “homework” - as my newly gifted School Planner states “What is homework?” - so I believe this is part seven of my recapping expedition? Or possibly eight? I am unsure of what exactly is happening and this will be severly disjointed from the last one, and also I will possibly BLOG THIS I KNOW WHAT THE HELL RIGHT? And also when JT gave Russell the immunity idol in last week's episode I very literally closed my head in my computer. Anyhoodle.
8:45: So if they merge, Russell believes he's pulling all the strings, but only Parvati and Danielle know about the immunity idol (the other one, not Russell's). The heroes are totally convinced it's a Woman's alliance and JT is an idiot attempting to get out Parvati by tossing on the idol, WHICH WAS THE STUPIDEST THING EVER. So they laughed all the way to tribal council, where they voted out Courtney and damn, Sandra is PISSED and ya'll just know we'll have a merge. Also, if you've never read these before and you're on my blog and you don't watch this show, go fuck yourself. And maybe skip this entry? You'll see this occasionally. I liveblog Lost and Desperate Housewives religiously, and Survivor sporadically. And also some movies and special events and also one episode of Dr Who :)
8:47: JT's like “Dude, it's day 25, merge now plz? Kthnxbi”. Rupert hopes he's not pissing everybody off too much. Heroes have been told by mystical tree mail that “company will be arriving soon” so that's a merge symbol right there. Villains tree mail is a key, and a note (chorus: ooooo). The note is a map to Heroes camp and Sandra is HYPER and I totally hope she hits JT and sets this all straight. Basically, the Russell/Parvati/Danielle/Jerri plan is to tell JT that the idol was used, and they're going to try and send JT home and Sandra is creepily creeping around so shhhh you silly, silly people. Russell thinks he's got the only immunity idol in his pocket. I laugh at you, you sad little man. Shot of Villains, walking. OPENING CREDITS!
And ad break. Whatever. This isn't even TiVo'd so I can't fast forward. Frick.
8:55: Back at Heroes camp, there are Villains on the horizon and Rupert is smokey. Parvati claims she's the queen, and has to keep some secrets, and only her lady in waiting, Danielle, knows about it – oh my god, taking the analogy too far. The first thing JT noticed was...Parvati. He's like “oh, so Parvati must have also played an idol so there's no no idols in the game”. Hahahahahahaa JT fails at life. So it's the gratuitous part of the episode where they change buffs and feat on raw vegetables and a pig's head, and they need to think of a new name. Jerri's like “we're all Villains” but Rupert's like “BAD ATTITUDE, YA'LL” and I'm totally with him. Parvati is fanning herself regally and feeling left out of Russell's little circle, and none of the Heroes are happy that she's here, so she's thinking they'll vote for her. Oh, nice play - “do people think I'm stupid? Like, do they think I'm stupid?” “Yeah.” Thanks Danielle. Parvati will seek her revenge dananananananana. And I just missed a whole heap of Russell telling everyone how relieved he is and now JT's like “He's a solid, country boy. It's cool. Brother” - Dude, we may be on an Island, but you ain't Desmond.
9:01: Tropical music plays. Sandra is setting Rupert straight, because the Heroes aren't aware of the alliance, and SANDRA WANTS REVENGE. Rupert, please believe it. It is actually quite admirable the way Sandra plays this game, despite being a villains. Rupert doesn't know if they're getting played, but at least he's seeing a little clearer. “This is where the game gets crazy” - that, I agree with, dude. Ad break.
9:05: There is a big, tense moment about eggs, and being inspired. About eggs. Okay I am so dubious. JT is so oblivious to the fact that he's going home. The Villains keep eating, and Rupet's like “they are a greedy ass, eating ass, pain in the ass tribe”. They are, because these guys do not understand the shortage of food here. Rupert is attempting to confer with the other guys, and JT wholeheartedly believes Russell's shit, and everyone else is like “...okay, let's try a little test”. Oh my god, JT is so naïve. I LIKED HIM SO MUCH IN TOCHANSITICISIHS BUT SERIOUSLY, I WANT TO STAB HIM. “Do you believe Sandra, or the obvious truth?”. JT is like “if Sandra's telling me the truth, I'm gone next, but HHAHAHAHAHA that could never happen” oh my god please vote him out for funsies. Sandra has rigged herself up a balaclava.
9:09: Amanda is talking to Parvati, and Amanda, I like you (a lot, at this point of time), but if you fuck this up for Rupert, I will be pissed. Amanda is lying to Parvati but it's okay and WHAT PARVATI TOTALLY JUST SPILT THE IDOL! Wow, nice move Amanda. Also, they have a handshake. What? Ad break.
9:15: Jeff is being all hosty. The tribe is called “Yin Yang” which I like a bit. Jeff has taken back the idol OMG THAT IS TOTALLY OUT OF THE BLUE SINCE WHEN? (I am joking, catch sarcasm). Another challenge not disimilar to last week's balancing challenge, also sans puzzle, which is weird, but this time they're hanging onto poles for as long as possible and it's scary. Colby and Sandra were both failing and they decided to step down together. Ah well. It does look pretty goddamn hard. And is Rupert's toe still broken. Candace, Danielle, Parvati very solid, as is Amanda, except she's “low on the post”. Russell has stepped down but any bets he thinks he's safe. Candace looks completely unaffected. Rupert's stepped out. Danielle looks HOT (as in, boiling, not shmexy). Amanda has stepped out and as much as I have come to dislike Candace, I hope she wins. I'll shoot JT if he wins, but he did just make me laugh with the pretend fall, justified with an ACTUAL fall. Four people left - ROLL CALL! – Candace, who is hugging that pole; Danielle, who looks fucking unfomfortable; Jerri – likewise; Parvati – who is fucking amazing at this challenge. Jerri has stepped out after an hour and a half. Parvati was one leg balancing – what the fucking fuck. Parvati's doing the crouching frog. Candace is stepping down – WHY? WHY IN THE FUCKING WORLD? Candace, you are a fucking lunatic. Parvati is climbing down so Danielle can win, because Parvati has the idol. And for the boys, Danielle just got her boob out – damn, that boob job is terrible, but nicely covered by the immunity necklace. AD BREAK. Rupert, despite being insane, actually has the best scope on this game at the moment.
9:27: Over at Yin Yang, JT was kind of on to something but then I think he pretty much blew it. Um, the stepping down was kind of suspicious. They want to vote Jerri out, but when JT gets voted out, I hope it serves as an example. Sandra doesn't want to get in trouble, but she wants Russell out, and unfortunately, she's stuck with him. Russell is, wait for it, willing to give Parvati this immunity idol to SAVE HERSELF from elimination and OH MY GOD GIRL HAS BOTH IDOLS how the fuck is she doing it? She's realised what a dangerous player she is. Amanda is confuzzled. I think. But she acknowledges dangerousness.
9:32: Tribal time! Courtney and Coach are going to do some observing. And they're discussing Banana Ettiquete again and this is SO RANDOM. Danielle and Rupert are CLAWS OUT. Russell thinks that there's two seperate tribes and forget about bananas and shit. Jerri/JT shit. God, everyone has a bone to pick tonight? Courtney and Coach are discussing. Parvati feels like a leper and whoa Jeff good call - “is that because you're used to getting all the attention in life?” and Colby is playing ALL the angles. The idols are currently a “trending topic” per se. Danielle is keeping the necklace, but everyone else is fair game, so let's do this thang.
9:36: Completely un-strategically, Russell is voting JT, but it is irrelevent. Parvati is doing the same. Oh my god, please go home. Jerri is also voting JT, but Amanda's voting Jerri and so is Rupert and oh my god, are they trying to make this obvious so it's a surprise. Candace has also voted Jerri, because she's the least likely person to have the idol, and Courtney also has a good scope on the game, but unfortunately, she's out of the game. Jeff's going to “tally the votes”. Ad break. Ooh, the suspense is killing me. Come on, big ole end of episode twist! AHHH END OF AD BREAK I WANT TO BE ON TWITTER TO WATCH THIS PAN OUT. I am actually tripping with GLEE at this tribal council.
9:42: HOLY SHIT SANDRA IDOL? Haha, wrong person. And...WHAYTTEIWERNFTH IUDFNMIURENM JERRI IDOL??? HOLY SHIT!kbg8unfaj dojg nsz famnt gofgnb uatjr WHOA WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED OH MY GOD UHHHH??? PARVATI??? WHERE DID THAT EVEN COME FROM? Haha. Bye JT. Rupert knew they shouldn't have trusted that bitch. Two votes Jerri, but they don't count. And another. And another. And another. J.T, one vote. And another. And another. And that's enough. And Jeff's right, that shit was cray-cray.
And if this is the first recap of mine you've ever read, mazel tov on conquering it. That was a frickload of writing, right there.
9:45: Next week – Russell loses control, Sandra takes control (she wants to take down Russell, hello), and JT feels like a total idiot right now, and NOW he's learnt his lesson. Also, his major lesson was “don't trust women” - shut up you sexist prick, you.
'Til next time, amigos.
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