...And I Love You (very relevent!)

Technically, I shouldn't be posting this, because hundreds and thousands of tiny little germs are donning their hard hats and armour and pelting me with tiny little bullets that aren't enough to break me, but are very slowly wearing me down until I can't move. Dude, I actually slept in the afternoon. That is the opposite of what I would usually do - I can't afternoon sleep. And I did. That's how intense it is.



I'm doing this because I promised I would, so Sah over at Drawer Of Birds can steal it and put it on her blog, and because I believe it's geniuinely hilarious, although I am dying of illness, which may have somewhat impaired my sense of humour. Anyway, have any of ya'll read the poem "The Muffins Got Stuck Today" by John Laws? Well, here it is!



"The muffins got stuck today

I never know the difference between muffins and crumpets

But they would have stuck anyway

And I love you.



My watch stopped today

And I didn't have five cents to ring up the man

And he might have been wrong anyway

And I love you.



I ripped my jeans today

Rips give character anyway

And I was busting my pants to see you

And I love you.



My heart stopped thinking today

It stopped at the thought

That you might want to know it that way.

If that is so let it quietly layAs it cannot amount to anything

Any other way

Without you.

And I love you."



So my friends and I are hilariously witty, and the following is an exchange that occurred during a very educational discussion of the aforementioned poem (and "The Sunne Rising" by John Dunne - I hope that's how you spell his name, because it makes it sound more comedic). My words are in bold, Sarah's in normal and Liora's in italics. Commentry I've added is in red because my mum might read this, and some probably needs a little explanation. Turns out, some things seem even worse when massively out of context. Also, all of mine are true to some extent. I can't say the same for most of Sarah's.



A poem I like to refer to as...(dramatic pause)...And I Love You



I ate some chocolate today

But you'd steal it, because you're a massive chocolate whore (...you might have noticed an in joke there)

I probably deserved it after stealing your freddo anyway

And I love you.



My cable turned off today

It's probably because I didn't pay the bills

I didn't even like the Lifestyle Channel anyway

And I love you.



I bitched about someone's shirt today

Then I realized everyone was wearing the same one

It's ugly anyway

And I love you.



I ran out of toothpaste today

The procrastination monster wouldn't let me get more

I don't feel like brushing my teeth anyway (Sah would like the stress that this DIDN'T HAPPEN!)

And I love you.



I ate baked potatoes today (last night, really)

What I really wanted was oven chips (sorry mum)

I ate them anyway

And I love you.



I found a wrinkle in my shirt today

I was in the mood for a crease free shirt

I never iron anyway

And I love you.



I had a conversation about writing evaluations today

I don't give a shit about evaluations

Who cares about shit poetry anyway?

And I love you.



I found a moth in my show today

I didn't want to wear the shoe anymore

I wore it anyway

And I love you.



My mum made me toast today

It didn't get stuck, au cantrere

I didn't want it to get stuck anyway.

And I love you.



I wanted pancakes today

We didn't have any so I had toast

The toast was nice anyway

And I love you.



A teacher spoke about sexual arousal today (there was context, I swear. He's not a pervert.)

It made me feel extremely uncomfortable (because I have immaturity issues)

I listened anyway (because I had to)

And I love you.



I tripped over a rouge brick today

It made me hurt my toe

I would have tripped over something anyway

And I love you.



I thought about eating a pop tart today

It was sitting in its packet under a pile of crackers

Really, I wasn't going to eat it anyway.
And I love you.



A teacher suggested we "give it to the man" today

It made me feel like I was travelling in time

I wouldn't have given it to the man anyway

And I love you.



A friend used the words "give it to the man" in a poem today

I automatically thought about sex (blame the crowd I hang out with. They still think like ten year olds)

I would've done regardless.

And I love you.



A friend didn't respon to my last stanza today

I was offended

She's cool anyway.

And I love you.



I yelled at my friend today

I got very worked up

I'm sorry anyway (this was real, and I forgave her) :)

And I love you.



My mum agreed to let me stay at a friend's today

For several days, while she's away

Bitch gets to go to New Zealand anyway! (I love you mum, lucky cow)

And I love you.



I smelt some petrol today

The fumes are really bad for me

I like them anyway

And I love you.



I had a baby today

It was really not fun

It's not yours anyway.

And I love you.



I felt like being crude today

So I wrote a sexual innuendo

Or should I say, in-your-end-o? Whatever, anyway. (Oh god, I am so sorry)

And I love your mum.



I went to space today (I swear this geniuinely happened)

I met some aliens who ate me

I would have been eaten anyway

And I love you.



A bird moved into my beard today

Its "cheep"s keep me awake

I would have bought a bird anyway.

And I love you.



(Insert applause. God that took me ages, especially in compared to the rest of my posts. Obviously, when it was composed, my killer germs were being pacified by Sudafed. Now they have been set lose and they have tasted blood. And speaking of blood, a bonus for you!)



BONUS STANZA:

I chainsaw murdered someone today

And then I tried to cover up the evidence with guilt

I'm probably a manic sociopath anyway.

And I love you.





Also, a bonus thing I found in my notebook, after being given a ridiculous Geography project):



Australia:

When G-d made our animals, he was clearly having a laugh. Or drunk.



Geography:

When we wrote our projects, they were clearly only interested in torturing children. Or drunk.





That's all, amigos!